I spent 10 days in prison…and I've never felt more free!
"November is for MIND"--Your monthly guide to living a truly integrated life
Sweetheart,
We’ve made another full circle around the MIND/BODY/HEART/SPIRIT (MBHS) sun and have returned back to the MIND—just in time, too. As I learned in prison, the mind precedes everything. If we can’t tame our mind, we won’t be able to integrate the physical. Your mind is what ultimately encourages you off the couch to exercise or calm the nervous system. Without our mind helping us construct loving communication and engage in active listening, we can’t integrate the heart and deepen our relationships. And if the MBH aren’t working in harmony, it becomes much more challenging to connect to Spirit.
And so without further ado, I will dive into the incredible, powerful tools I gleaned from prison—MIND prison, also known as Vipassana: a 10-day silent meditation retreat.
10 Days in MIND Prison
Participants are asked to renounce modern life as we know it: phones, technology, books, journals, comfort in living quarters, even the food most people like, like animal protein. Two vegetarian meals a day. All of the things we use in our lives to distract us from sitting with ourselves. There is nothing but sitting with yourself...for 10 hours a day.
No speaking to anyone. No eye contact or gestures for the entirety of the 10 days. Men and women are kept separate to minimize the chance of craving and fantasizing.
And BOY, was it the most thrilling adventure of my life. Every day was a new chance to explore my inner workings, to see what would come up. It’s truly fascinating to watch how our minds swing like monkeys from limb to limb—or you could imagine a half-naked Tarzan (if you swing that way🙃). Point is, if we can’t get a grip on our MIND, we can’t get to where we want to go because...
“How you gonna win, if you ain’t right within.”
— Lauryn Hill
I watched how my mind vacillated between all the things “I don’t like, I don’t like, I don’t like” and “I like, I want, I need.” Back and forth she blew like a wild animal. I spent lots of energy fighting internal fires.
One poignant discovery I want to share was noticing how the fires would begin to brew in the evening. After a whole day of pushing the negative thoughts out during the day, they came roaring up at night. I realized that’s why at night I tend towards numbing distractions to keep me out of my thoughts. Many people have their nighttime wind-downs, like wine, TV, social engagements. We may not even realize why. We are so good at distracting ourselves all day long, but come night, we are left with all the thoughts we have been avoiding and, subsequently, the uncomfortable emotions like fear, sadness, and worry that come with them. It’s easier to just turn on Frasier (in my case😆).
When do you find it unavoidable to distract yourself? There just might be a clue there for you that there are things left unprocessed, taking up precious space in our mind.
Through this experience, I learned how to detach from the cravings and aversions and slowly began to experience equanimity, love, and compassion on a visceral level. I now believe this to be one of the most powerful integration experiences of my life.
Cultivating Inner Wisdom
Before you rush off to renounce your life for 10 days, here’s a great starting point which you can start at any time, anywhere in your life.
In Vipassana, Goenka teaches that real wisdom unfolds in 3 stages:
1. Suta-mayā paññā — Wisdom born of hearing
This is intellectual or learned wisdom, gained through listening to teachings, reading philosophies, or receiving instruction. It’s secondhand knowledge. It’s how we learn about concepts like impermanence, suffering, integration, love, etc. You hear that “everything is impermanent,” and you understand it logically but haven’t yet experienced it directly.
Example: You go to a restaurant and read the menu. From the description on the menu, the food looks bomb! But you still don’t really know if it will be.
2. Cintā-mayā paññā — Wisdom born of reflection
This is wisdom from reasoning and contemplation. This is where we get to decide if it actually makes sense to us intellectually, through our cognitive faculties. This is a very important part of wisdom, because it helps us to avoid blind faith—believing something just because someone said so. THIS IS HOW YOU AVOID JOINING A CULT, Y’ALL! This is when faith deepens into personal understanding, but it’s still primarily mental. You reflect, “Yes, when I look closely, my thoughts and feelings do change constantly. Impermanence makes sense.”
Example: This is when the server walks past you with a tray of food and you see for yourself that it indeed looks delicious.
3. Bhāvanā-mayā paññā — Wisdom born of direct experience
This is experiential wisdom, cultivated through meditation, psychedelics, or just having that thing happen to you that you never thought would! My first experience of this was when I did MDMA therapy for the first time. All the knowledge I had acquired through studying, podcasts, and books about healing came wiring in as my heart opened. What I realized is that the heart opening is what allows us to experience things on a visceral level. Now, we can get there through meditation as well! By observing sensations and mental phenomena directly, you experience impermanence, unsatisfactoriness, LOVE, and compassion. You observe sensations arise and pass in real time during meditation, seeing the truth of impermanence directly rather than conceptually. This wisdom transforms the mind—it is what Vipassanā specifically develops.
Example: Your food finally arrives and you take that first bite. In that moment, you know from experience that indeed, that food is freaking delicious!!
In short:
Hearing → Reflection → Direct Experience
Information → Understanding → Transformation
Actionable Tools for MIND Month
📚 Stoic Salon & Book Club
How better to absorb this framework than with Ryan Holiday’s new book: Wisdom Takes Work
“We know that education, even if directed by someone else at the beginning, eventually reverts into our own hands—we must teach ourselves if we are to learn anything. We know from Montaigne that ego is the enemy of wisdom, that conceit is the impediment to knowledge. We take from his example the need to be always curious, always questioning, always open, always ready to learn something new. And finally, we understand that we learn in order to live, that all accomplishments pale in comparison to that rarest of rare things: SELF-AWARENESS.”
Click here to RSVP for further instructions. Cultivating wisdom is powerful by yourself but so much more fun in community.
🎧 MIND Music for Focus
This month I’m listening to EMDR Bilateral Stimulation. Y’all, that will drop you right into focus and flow. Ryan Holiday says a short attention span is a detriment to wisdom. So here you go!
And here’s another one of my favorites for elevating work flow by the legend Ólafur Arnalds:
Listen here
🎉 Exciting Partnership Announcement
Last but not least, we have super exciting news. The Conscious Physician and TAP INtegration are partnering, and we’re so proud to launch:
✨ The first psychedelics academy created by physicians for physicians and healthcare professionals
✨ Providing CME credits for this work through UNM School of Medicine
✨ A program developed on New Mexico land, which we hold with deep respect and pride
✨ The first program to offer an all-inclusive integration framework that covers MIND, BODY, HEART, and SPIRIT
If you’re a practitioner looking to be certified to serve medicine with one of the most holistic programs out there—with teachers who stand in the utmost integrity— apply here!
TAP INtegration will be the official integration technology behind the program as well as infusing our framework for integration. We are honored to be a part of this incredible mission. DM for the course overview!
At the end of the day, INtegration is INtegrity. And INtegrity is wholeness.
Where is your mind leading you astray?
What thoughts are you avoiding that need processing?
Drop me comments or DM me. I would love to answer any questions you have!
With curiosity and compassion,
Olivia Eden MacDonell
Founder, TAP Integration
P.S. If this resonated, forward it to someone who needs it. Integration works better together.
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